June 21, 2004
From a mailing list. Yes I know, old stuff. The last one is good though [imnsho!].
Why did the chicken cross the road?
George W Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
Hans Blix: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!
Ralph Nader: The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.
Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Alone.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all Chickens Will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was an historic inevitability.
Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.
Sigmund Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
Steve Jobs: Because of the brand-new iChicken- a portable device that crosses roads, lays eggs, gives wakeup calls and provides dinner, automatically. This amazing device can simply plug in to the $4000 iCoop to produce additional iChickens and recharge existing iChickens, or plug it into the $9000 iChop to convert iChicken files into iFood. iFood-to-Regular Food converters sell for an additional $50/month fee, however the optional iFood-to-FoodXP converter is still in development. iChickens are only available from authorized iDealers, which can be found in nearly every US state. If your iChicken develops a disease or stops working, you must send it by FedEx Overnight to Littleton, Montana and our iTechnicians will send you a replacement within 3 months. The iChicken. Wow.
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
Al Gore: I invented the chicken!
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Shakespeare: To cross or not to cross, that is the question.
The Bible: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
The Los Angeles Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Ken Starr: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America, in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road, until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations, have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.).
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?